Go Back
by Unsuspected
Summary: Bianca reflects on her choice to become a Hunter. Maybe it was wrong. She's not sure what is right now. Either way, Nico deserves to know. Based off scenes from TTC and TBOTL.


The decision was quick. It was impulsive. And looking back on it, Bianca thought, it could have been wrong.

It was tempting. No responsibilities and a new family were waiting for her with the Hunters. Sisters were there for her, welcoming Bianca warmly into their family. There would be no annoying little ten-year-old to bother her every minute of every day. She wouldn't have to look out for anyone. She was accepted with the Hunters, unlike school, where everyone made fun of her endlessly for wearing clothes that apparently went out of style ages ago and knowing nothing about key events in history. She felt like she belonged there, with the huntresses. It just felt right. It felt _good._

But, god—or apparently _gods_ she had been told, which was a big enough shock already, without meeting a monster, a goddess, and her companions—Nico would be heartbroken. It was bad enough with no parents, Bianca knew, but without her, would the little boy ever be able to go on? She doubted it. Odds were that the cheerful little boy would be gone once she left. Would he ever forgive her? That was unlikely as well. She briefly recalled a time when they had just arrived at Westover Hall. A particularly mean bully had been tormenting her since she arrived, and her bold little brother couldn't stand it at all. No matter how Bianca had tried to convince him that the bullying wasn't that bad and that she could handle it on her own, (with the addition of a few attempts at complimenting him into being convinced) he eventually got to the bully, and things didn't go so well for the older boy. In short, Nico didn't take things very well.

Of course, a pesky younger brother obsessed with a ridiculous card game that he was the only person on the planet that could actually understand the game, not to mention play it wasn't going to get in the way of her life any more than he had already. He was such a pain as it was. There was absolutely no way the boy could prevent her from doing this, too. She deserved to have a life, didn't she? She couldn't spend her existence simply taking care of the obnoxious boy she had been stuck with her entire life. It wouldn't be fair for her.

_Enough of the memories! _Bianca's thoughts cut in. _It was bad enough before, when it actually happened. Now it's even worse! Let go!_

The painful memories kept wandering back into her head. She had joined the Hunt. It felt good. It made her more confident, happy, and carefree, but there was something else underneath the joy. The cold, icy feeling of regret threatened to break through the happiness and overcome her. The lovely feelings that came with being a Hunter of Artemis made her feel wonderful—nearly perfect—but the regret sliced through thin layers of the feeling every minute. She had to smile, though, act as if she were really having a good time with this new family of hers. She didn't want to have left Nico alone for no reason other than to feel even worse than she had before. That was as bad—probably worse—than leaving him for another supposedly better family. Bianca never wanted to do that. She would never be able to live with herself.

Bianca shuddered at the chilling memory of this experience. It hurt her now nearly as much as it had then. She couldn't let the memories get the better of her. If she thought too hard about this, if she let the memories get enough of her she would break down.

She remembered whispering in his ear. It was an apology that left her lips. She wanted him to forgive her for making this rash decision. Her little brother frowned, looking older than ever. She never imagined him looking this sad or angry. Little Nico who would chatter endlessly about some Mythomagic figurine that was so rare hardly anyone had seen it in person with a look of such pure innocence and excitement in his eyes, she could see him being that perky little kid forever, smiling forever. Bianca never thought it was possible for her brother looking like this. He was so different before she joined the Hunt. She was, too. And neither of them liked everything about the change.

The last time Bianca saw her little brother flashed before her eyes. The little boy with a strange combination of hate and love in his eyes—as if he wanted to murder her for being so stupid as to become a Hunter and take up a quest, but sort of admired her courage—stared down at the snow.

Bianca looked at him kindly; like she was oblivious to the fact he was angry with her. "I'll come back."

Nico looked up. "Will you? I mean, I did ask Per—never mind. But, anyway, you can't know that! Two of you are going to die, Bianca! Do you even know how scared I am?" he did his best to keep his voice down. (These half-bloods seemed to be quite nosy.)

Her sweet smile faltered. "I…I'd like to think I'm coming back, but you know. I can't tell you what's going to happen, what the monster is, where exactly we're going, or who we'll lose along the way. The only thing I can tell you, Nico, is 'I'm sorry.'"

"But, Bianca, you can't go!" he protested angrily.

She pulled her hair in front of her eyes and pulled her green cap on. It hadn't been like that since Westover Hall. She felt better about herself, but now Bianca felt less sure of things. _"Le mie scuse,"_ she whispered to her brother in Italian. "I didn't ask for this. Zo_ë _wanted me to do the quest."

"It doesn't matter. I guess you're going. But be careful, okay?"

Her fingers brushed some hair away from the boy's face. "I will do my best, Nico. _Mi dispiace_. That is the best I can do."

"You're sorry, I know," he said, after figuring out the Italian she had sprinkled into their conversation. "I just wish…"

"I know, Nico. I do, too."

"No, you don't," he said sadly. "You have your Hunter friends. You don't care about me. They're your family."

She wished she had said something more, but ended their conversation with a mere "goodbye."

"'Bye," he said coldly.

Now, she stood before her brother again, but as a ghost. And she understood. Her choices were made. It was no use holding onto the past. Her brother was doing the same thing she had been doing, gripping onto what had already been done. It was obvious to her immediately. And she explained it to him. Hopefully, he would understand.

* * *

**A/N: I kind of like the Italian in there. It makes it a bit more interesting. Not to mention, Bianca speaking partially in Italian makes sense because when she was learning to speak, Italian was being spoken in addition to English.. And it sounds so elegant to me. Could just be me, but I love it. It might be wrong, though. I used Google translate and friends that knew about three words of Italian. I'm no better. I tried editing this about a zillion times, but there must be something I'm missing. It seems to jump around a little bit, if you ask me, but that could just be me. Even if it is just me, I am going to work on it for sure. Comma slaughter most likely. I was in a Bianca mood. Unsure overall of my opinion on this. The end for now.  
-Lexi**


End file.
